I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize