if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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