Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
