i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can I color on your dick again?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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