Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
