i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
