I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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