I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
where am i from again
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
