he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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