Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
