sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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