I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
