Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
