Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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