Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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