I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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