As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
