i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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