He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
