Will you blow on my dice?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
