I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
