My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize