im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize