i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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