I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
