I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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