Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You're like the curious george of whores
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
