weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
