i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
