I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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