I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
