We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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