mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
