the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
