Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
