i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
