Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
