I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
