Where did you get a picture of my penis
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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