She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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