3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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