we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
