It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
