If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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