I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Everyone says I win the strip club
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
