a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
