So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
