you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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