My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
