this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
