The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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