Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
