Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
