At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize