There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
