...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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