Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize