Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
