Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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