Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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