I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
