don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sext me about skeletons
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
