At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
