wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
