Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Pants are for mortals
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
