just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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