the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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