I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
