How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
