giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
