I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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