I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
