Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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